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Tue, Jul. 5th, 2005, 01:35 am

yeah, it's me Hypocrisy Central. Sorry for the big fat dis to LJ. I've changed my thing to puddnheadwilson. Post or something like it!

Sat, Aug. 28th, 2004, 07:30 pm
final post and i feel fine

everyone... i don't care anymore. officially. good luck with all your future mediocre ramblings and angsty day-to-day stuff you aren't ballsy enough to say to real people.

good luck and goodbye

Fri, Aug. 13th, 2004, 10:39 pm

i dont even know what to say...
listen to nina gordon/james iha duet "said sadly" for some reason, even though the lyrics dont work out so well, i am that song right now.

I have created a rule where i get 2 and only 2 statements about new york, so here goes:

I miss new york. it... changed me. i don't play anymore. i don't fun anymore. i want to pull my arms from inside my skin jacket and hug my organs. it's like wow.

yeah, i'm from bushwick

Sun, Jul. 25th, 2004, 10:26 pm
so i'm in new york

so, i'm in new york.

stephanie-hyper, strange alabamian
molly-superfly. from the san fran. looks like courtney love.
chris- cool, british older guy. sexy sex. likes cool music.
lee-stephanie's roommate, she's cool
ezra-teacher, stereotypical film teacher
CCR-editing teacher. makes cool intros for other TAs
other players-nobody

miss everybody. did graham fake seizures at weird party.
me and molly get on great, she reminds me of my aunt nancy. she's got wicked taste in music, she has hung out with bands, and knows of more music than anyone else i've met.

made a music video to 'one more cup of coffee' cover by the white stripes. coke, prostitutes.

my dad sent me a nerf gun and legos.

bought so much clothes... plus plaid pants... shut up everybody.

running low on funds...

sorry i wont get letters to the people i said i said i would. i have no time, really. i wake up at 7, go out to coffee with molly,go to class at 9. stay at class, shoot, edit, get home at 6. eat. go out with a program thing until 10... sleep. no time.

kids be good. miss the 'ville, but i'll die when the program's done. i love it here. LOVE IT.

see you on the other side.

Fri, Jul. 2nd, 2004, 01:46 pm

jon is gone. i feel no need to:
brush my teeth,
eat anything besides these little debbie cakes and spicy cajun pringles (which i had to choke down),
go out and do anything,
get out of my pajamas, or
[insert action besides sleeping here].

and i won't see him for another 39 days. 39 days.

new york new york

Wed, Jun. 30th, 2004, 11:44 pm

woke up.
watched some tv.
dropped my brother off at my moms house.
met jon at waffle house.
cried a little.
went shopping a little.
ate ice cream with my mom.
saw SP2. it was ok.
ate dinner.
went to jon's house.
got jon.
met katie, john, randal, joel, etc. at theater.
went back to waffle house.
listened to my friend robbie talk about his life/death situation with a hobo. robbie killed him. self-defense. yes you read correctly. killed a man.
went home.

Sun, Jun. 27th, 2004, 12:07 am

just got home from what i would say, one of the best days i have had in a long long while.

and it goes a little somethin' like this:

12:00 AM: try to find directions to the places we are going in 12 hours
12:55- finally i get a general idea about where we will be
1:00- try to go to sleep
1:04- think about what i am going to have for breakfast at waffle house
1:07- decide on two poached eggs, toast, hold the grits... and tomatoes
1:08- try to go to sleep again
1:55- go to sleep
7:00- wake up
7:10- wake up
7:11- get dressed
7:15- brush teeth, hair, deodorant, etc
7:17- say goodbye to my mother, she says: "ugh... i'm going out with carmen tonight... so, be home by 11, but i wont be able to tell, cause i'll be out til 2... ugh"
7:20- try to leave the house
7:25- leave the house-listen to HARVEST...
7:45- get to jon's house... he's not ready
8:00- leave jon's house
8:10- go to waffle house,meet katie, eat my dream breakfast, take a picture of people eating
9:10- fight with jon
10:00- made up with jon
10:05- had a great time riding in the car, realize fight with jon was stupid
11:30- mexican restaurant. plan day, eat pudding, harass service
12:30 PM- leave. drive to planetarium
12:45- arrive at planetarium, buy tickets for 2 o clock show.
1:00- arrive at flea market, parking lot adventure
1:03- look at race fans with useless crap
1:30- katie finds records!
1:31- look for records, find five
1:50- realize we are going to be late for the planetarium
1:51- buy records
1:53- run like hell back to the car
2:00- arrive at car, sweaty. realize we WILL be late for show
2:10- got back to planetarium, trade in tickets for 5PM showing
2:14- try to find directions to jon's brother's record/movie store
2:15- jon calls renda, his mom (i hate renda club), to get directions
2:25- jon still on fucking phone, renda talks in circles to herself
2.30- still no directions
2:31- renda puts david (?) on the phone, gives us presto/strange-o directions
2:32- back in the car... downtown nashville. oh yeah
2:40- lost
2:41- katie calls record store. we think josh (jon's brother) in on the phone
2:42- gets secret weird "shoo-shoo" directions
2:45- get LOST again
2:50- Josh calls, and surprise! that wasnt him at the record store, he's off today
2:52- josh gives us directions to his apartment
2:54- lost again, call josh
2:57- lost again, call josh
3:00- arrive at josh's house
3:02- go into wicked awesome pad, josh talks about not getting a housewarming present

.break for a discussion of josh's apartment.
josh lives in a really cool, house-looking apartment that, when you approach it, looks like you are walking into the secret garden, at least to me. he lives here with another brother, jake (yes they are ALL j's, at least the oldest five. the half-y is named robin), and a slobby mobby airbrush guy named doug. doug likes vintage women. however, fortunately for josh, jake lives most of the time with his squeeze-box-girl in their squeeze-box-house. and doug, he just doesnt come home too often.

this place is full of random pictures, computer parts, guitars, broken doorknobs (yes, true, and i got to keep it), and bubble gum machines. fill in all the other gaps with things that are equally random and garbage. but focus on the random.

.Break for a discussion of josh.
josh is cool. super cool. the middle of the rosswog five (in order from oldest to youngest: joseph and jake (twins), josh, jessica, and jon (yay)). if you talk to jon, you'll notice that, sometimes when you catch him at a true-blue moment, his humor is a bit off... now, if you've noticed THIS you've also probably noted the arm gestures and the strange seinfeld-like observations about everything. All the rosswogs are like this, all the time. and when they are in a swarm, you can smell the sarcasm and the inside jokes. Josh is the toppermost of the poppermost in this area. i would say %90 of the stuff he says is fiction. he's great.

take everything you have just read and look at it through a stephanie lens. facts my be exaggerated, but in this case, not so much. maybe the part about josh and the rosswogs, but NOT NOT NOT the part about the apartment.


3:05- hang out with josh, talk about breast-feeding, doorknobs, chinese finger traps, and vintage women.
4:00- realize that josh might have better stuff to do. ask josh to meet us for dinner
4:15- get back to planetarium. way too early
4:16- drive around listening to the teaches of peaches. the gospel according to peach
4:30- mom calls, tells me she PROMISES she and carmen will take separate cars, and that she will be home at midnight... pfft
4:45- got back to planetarium. bought josh a giraffe beanie baby for a present
5:00- saw mediocre planetarium stuff
6:00- went back to josh's. listened to funny stuff on computer. drank #7 on the ten best cups of coffee in stephanie's life
7:00- met Jake and cool chick friend (not squeeze-box ally), sam at burger place
7:15- ate hamburgers. relized how much jake looked like his father, cracked jokes, rosswog style
8:00- watch jake and josh (about 7 years apart) make fun of jon (about 12 years younger than jake and 5 years younger than josh)
8.01- jake called me steph, sam said a sweet goodbye, josh gave a wave and a "see ya stephanie." i think josh is my favorite rosswog besides jon
8:02- left burger place for home
8:05- got lost
8:30- having pee/tire problems... pit stop
8:45- drive some more
9:30- more tire problems.
10:00- drove
10:45- got into huntsville... waffle house to give katie her car. goodbye to katie, we love her
11:00- jon and i...
11:45- listened to Jolene... beautiful
12:00AM- mom wasnt home, of course
12:30- mom calls says that she will be late, carmen, drunk, cars, party, whatever
1:10- mom comes home, doesnt ask me anything about my big day. talked about carmen for about 15 minutes. i tell her about my day without her asking. this takes about 4 minutes: i gave her the short version. she didnt care to much and kept on talking about carmen. whatever...

AWESOME DAY!!! no wax, or toys, but ROSSWOGS! PLANETS! and FLEAS!

Tue, Jun. 22nd, 2004, 12:13 am

puh. im bored. ate a whopper. keeping a secret.

Sat, Jun. 19th, 2004, 11:59 pm

so, today i am ok. katie, jon and i got icees and peanuts. took them over to joe. joe ate peanuts, but we didnt get him an icee. we should have. i felt bad. then we talked about naked people, hooters, and venn diagrams.

left jon, went to park w/katie. katie left to freaks and geeks w/jacket. jacket is an ok guy. went home, did a computer thing with my dad. went out picked up jon. went back to his moms house. CENSORED. got taco bell. ate it in the park. slapped each other with belts (i started it). we were in pain.

jon: Please dont bring violence into this relationship babe... hitting with belts is not cool. I just want to hug
you and love you... and hit you with my hands if need be.

went home. joked about doing weird stuff. jon left. i was sad. got on computer. fin.

Fri, Jun. 18th, 2004, 11:53 pm

i'm so tired of myself... i want to change it all. New York, New York, would be a good chance... leaving those i love, possibly not coming back. not coming back the same. I want to change myself into one of those quiet, stylish people who people look at and say: "oh look, some quiet, stylish person, they must have a tortured soul. how interesting." instead i am the loud, dumpy person who people look at and think: "DYKE! if only she would shut up and let somebody else talk for a change." wow, that's me. no joke.

the worst part is that i know this about myself. I know that i am too loud, too uncultured, too absolutely packed to the brim with endless nothings to say. why i have friends escapes me... i think i might make people feel better about themselves. seriously.

My first best friend is one of those quiet, stylish, adorable people who isnt tortured (hopefully), just extremely dynamic and more wonderful than she thinks. She used to be surrounded with other quiet, stylish, adorable, people until they all moved off off and away to college. now she is stuck with my vulgar friendship.

My second best friend and lover is one of the most beautiful people i have ever seen in my life, and is more intellegent, caring, witty, and interesting than most anybody else i know. he belongs in far better than he places himself, and deserves far better than me.

why both of these gems choose to mingle with the likes of me, i will never ever understand.

so, i must ask myself, why am i here? if i have nothing to contribute to anything, why do i keep on living? Well, due to extensive movie-watching, i have discovered my purpose: to make everyone else stronger and more dedicated by my death. those movies... have you ever watched those movies...? there is always the person that everyone knows, that everyone talks to, that everyone thinks is an all around swell guy... then that person goes off to 'nam, gets cancer, crashes their motorcycle, or gets killed in the crossfires of some unrelated street-violence issue. For serious: everyone knows what i'm talking about.

you might say to me, "but stephanie, why do you think you fit this profile? you seem to have a pretty good life in front of you: college... [insert random future here]?"

Really, you think so? well here are the facts:

Yeah, i make pretty good grades.
Yeah, i have a lot of scholarly potential.
Yeah, i can get into a pretty good college.
Yeah, my mom can pay for it.

so, i know my field, and i think i might have a firm grip in the way of getting into and paying for my ideal college. What's wrong?

I have no talent. I have no drive. I'm the worst of Mozart mixed with the worst of Salieri, and i know it. I KNOW THIS!

But if the two were mutually exclusive i would be Salieri's child....

***I will speak for you, Father. I speak for all mediocrities in the world. I am their champion. I am their patron saint.

***Mediocrities everywhere... I absolve you. I absolve you. I absolve you. I absolve you. I absolve you all.

mediocre... mediocre... that is why i am the fallen. that is why i must die. I am the mediocre, i can only accomplish through false inspiration of others. i can only be a footnote in an acceptance speech. i can only linger in the minds of the gifted, for that is all i am, that is my purpose. to get these jewels around me to realize their beauty and strive to show it.

If only they could find out without my end.

If only i could have a future.

new york, new york...

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